This post is from my heart and not meant to hold any message other than my perspective.
On February 4th I celebrated 16 years as a Christian and have had my share of up and downs.
This past summer was one filled with numerous changes that were hard and caused my faith to be tested and stretched. I'm going to list the changes in bullets points because each one felt like a bullet piercing my heart and causing me to doubt at times that God was with me; even thought I know He would never leave me at times it felt like I was drowning and alone.
*Dad had open heart surgery and I spent a month taking care of him and away from my family only to be thanked by being told I was a terrible daughter (by my mom) and she could have taken care of him herself. Long story short; my mom is and has been mentally ill of a long time.
*The Lord placed us in a new church, after 1 week we find out the Pastor was leaving.
*My non-profit counseling center closed because of us going to a new church; we lost our free space and could not find affordable space.
*Struggles with an addict in our family.
Through all of these things I kept crying out to the Lord. "Where are you God?"
As I listened to my mom tell me that I should not be a counselor because I cannot even counsel my own family. "Really God?"
Finding out our new Pastor of 1 week is leaving right after we received confirmation from the Lord that we are at the church God wants us to be at. "Really....God....what are you doing?" "How much can one person take?"
Closing my counseling center was the hardest thing to deal with, especially with the fact that I learn about this as I am sitting in ICU waiting to see my dad. I was in complete and total shock. I couldn't even respond; which I know now was a good thing. I would have probably said things that I would have regretted. "Thank you God for protecting me from myself!"
And struggling with an addict...oh my goodness have I wrestled with the Lord over this. But you know what. HE IS FAITHFUL! HE SHOWED UP IN A MAJOR WAY IN OUR FAMILY.
First our son is visited by an angel in a local McDonald's who tells him, "You and your family will be okay." I will write more about this "visitation" in another blog.
Then my dad tells me how his recovery would not have been possible without me and he thanked me and said he loves me!
We entered family therapy and my addict's issues are getting resolved, step by step.
Just last week I was offered a volunteer counseling position at my new church as a Pastoral Counselor and I will be working closely with the new Pastor and staff. God redeemed what the enemy tried to steal from me and I no longer have to run a nonprofit, I am now under the umbrella of my new church and have space to do my counseling for the congregation and staff! Really God...You are so cool!!
But the best thing happened today! Me and my husband have missed the bible teaching we used to get from Calvary Chapel from our first Pastor David Guzik who was also a history buff. We have missed the Pastors heart and love of our second Pastor Paul Kuzma who helped mold and shape us as people of God.
So today we heard our current Pastor's heart, John Amstutz preach a message that was filled with the Word, line by line teaching and historical teachings. He has a humble heart and a desire to teach us about Jesus and a Pastoral heart of love. We are so BLESSED.
God is Faithful. He has perfect timing. We are blessed.
I have been washed in His Word and know He is Faithful!
Amen
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